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I finally went in for my much dreaded annual gynecological visit. I rank these exams right up there with having a root canal (though having never had a root canal myself, I hear they’re quite awful).

While filling out paperwork and waiting to be called, I was starting to feel anxious and dizzy. I thought to myself “Now what would make this experience better?” and without hesitation thought Pas/Cal ! The band whose music is happiness audified.

I pulled out my iPod and scrolled down to my favorite band. From the moment I heard the opening hand claps, I started to relax as if they were a hypnotist’s countdown; instantly feeling much better about everything.

Time passed quickly before the nurse called me in. I hopped to my feet and with a spring in my step, followed her down the hall. I couldn’t help but hum along to the song What Happened To The Sands letting the lyrics “...sweet soleil…” quietly escape from my lips a few times as we approached the scale.

I was pleasantly surprised by my weight. Fully clothed and with shoes, it was less than I had thought (way to go milk diet!).

Still quietly singing to myself, I changed into my gown, tossed the iPod into my bag and sat waiting for the doctor. She came in, looked over my charts and prepared for the exam. She pulled out a speculum made of clear plastic, into which she inserted a light.

The entire thing lit up with a soft glow in her hand. The “Lord of the Rings” dork in me thought it resembled Galadriel’s Light of Earendil, while my stylish side was reminded of a light I once saw at IKEA.

Right at that exact moment, I swore I could hear Pas/Cal’s infectiously catchy I Wanna Take You Out in Your Holiday Sweater coming from somewhere.

Initially, I was very excited and couldn’t believe how cool my gynecologist was for having Pas/Cal piping through the office. Then I realized I hadn’t shut off my iPod and that the music was chiming out of my bag.

I must have had the volume way up as it was very loud. I was focused on the music, and wondered if the doctor could hear it and if she could, did she like it?

I tried my best not to tap my toes in those stirrups. A difficult feat as it’s a song which dares you to try and sit still. Next thing I knew, she was telling me to sit-up. The exam was over before I even knew it began.

Before leaving me to change back into my clothes, the doctor said with a smile and a wink “Hey, great music and cute socks too.” Giving her the thumbs up, I couldn’t have agreed more. The music was great; having turned what most women dread into a toe-tapping good time. And the socks, they were cute too.

~Essay by Joy

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The hamburger memoirs

19 September 04 ¦ Permalink ¦ Comment

Lovely, silky, and enchanting are a few of the words I’d normally use to describe the marvelous voice of Pas/Cal’s Casimer.

But lately, words like delicious, sweet and savory come to my mind. Maybe it’s due to Week One of this godforsaken South Beach diet, but listening to Pas/Cal elicits sudden pangs of hunger.

It started yesterday:

I was on the treadmill and cooling down to Pas/Cal on my iPod. Not feeling the slightest bit hungry before, I was suddenly famished and grew more so by the second as the music filled my ears.

Then things became really strange today:

I was driving from the bank as “The Handbag Memoirs” began to play in the car. Feeling a bit lightheaded, as I’m told is common in the early SB diet stage, I found myself singing along to my favorite song:

The hamburger memoirs…

Did I just sing ‘the hamburger memoirs’?
Did Pas/Cal?

Let’s spill it out on your brother’s bed,
Some crinkled fries you said I never should have had
OH YEAH!...

What was happening? Did he just sing something about extra brie?

Suddenly, I found myself singing the song with all new tasty lyrics. Having lost self-control, my stomach took over and I soon found myself parked in the long drive-thru line at In-N-Out.

I surrendered to the hamburger memoirs, but at least I ordered it “protein style”—a burger sans the buttery bun, and instead wrapped up in an adorably crisp lettuce poncho.

So for now, I guess it’s all right…

~Essay by Joy

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